I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
