I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
