Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
