just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
