oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
