I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
