Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
