my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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