hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
