I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
