Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
birth control should be required to get into college
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
