According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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