she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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