The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
