Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
someone threw a dead crab at me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
