i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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