I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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