I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
