so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
