I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
