This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
