Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
