Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I will pee on everything he values.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The adults are the big ones right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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