OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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