he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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