anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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