Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I party with great urgency now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
