dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
