after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
