My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
