its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
