you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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