i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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