There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
