i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
