He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
