Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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