Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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