I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
