I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
