You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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