dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
