chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
