i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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