I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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