I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
