im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
