I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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