After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
