at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
