why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
