just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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