Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
