addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
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and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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