i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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