there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
