you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
