dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
