i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
