shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize