you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
