I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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