fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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