If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
