Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
