i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
