Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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