I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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