What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I want is dick and wine.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
